When I booked my little slice-and-dice back in July, November seemed like a super long way’s away. At my initial consults, both doctors I interviewed stressed that any weight loss I could do on my own would help in the success of the surgery and in my recovery. That’s all I needed to hear to finally keep that yo-yo from yo-yo-ing.

The day I booked the surgery, I started my second round of the Whole30 clean eating program. It’s supposed to be 30 days of making smart food choices and my main focus was avoiding grains and added sugar. I had already done a Whole30 and it was much easier the second time. After the 30 days were up, I just kept going. I’d treat myself very rarely and never let myself spiral out of control. I noticed a change in my body and felt great, too.

After a couple months of eating super clean and seeing the pounds drop, I realized that my surgery homework shouldn’t be just about weight loss. I needed to prepare my body, especially my muscles, for battle. So, I started Pilates with my friend Maya and for the first time ever, I thoroughly enjoyed working out. My clean eating and leaning and lengthening were working in concert, and my body began to change before my eyes. It seemed like each session with Maya promoted more progress.

As of this week, I’ve lost 20 pounds and feel really great about going into my surgery next week with this success. There have been so many times in my life — since as far back as being a teenager — that I tried to lose weight and maybe a few pounds here and there would actually drop off, but I’ve never experienced significant weight loss that improved how clothing fit, my energy levels, and body confidence. All this without the use of a diet pill or shake or MLM is pretty empowering.

And yet, it’s now, more than ever, that I know I need this surgery. Fat has melted off of my sides creating a slimmer waist, I’ve lost a few chins off my face, and my Bubbie arms don’t seem to hit me in the eye when I wave hello or goodbye. Still, I appear to look 4 to 6 months pregnant in my belly! My muscles protrude out because they are broken and out of place; there is no way I could have dieted or exercised my abdomen to match the rest of my body.

Meanwhile, back in Overthinking Land, while I’ve been proud of my weight loss accomplishments, I’d been losing sleep and unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel due to nerves and great anxiety about the surgery and recovery. My last blog post touched on this — how scared out of my mind I’ve been to face this procedure. Going under anesthesia and being hacked to pieces have been a major stressor for me, causing me regular waves of panic and butterflies several times a day.

A friend saw my post and offered her services as a hypnotherapist. I was skeptical because I’ve never done anything like that before, but I was also open to teaching my brain how to man up and find the positives in the days to come. Hypnotherapy was nothing like I imagined it would be. We had a very honest and candid dialogue like any therapy session usually contains. We discussed all my issues — real and self-created — and delved into my fears and areas of happiness. Then came the hypnosis.

I remembered everything after it was over and I didn’t say anything embarrassing. The hypnosis was relaxing and quieted the noise that was muddying up my mind. She equipped me with tools to make happier and healthier associations with the surgery. Am I still nervous? Yes. And I think it would be weird if I wasn’t. But I am feeling a little more at peace as the day looms over me. I highly recommend hypnotherapy if you’re stuck on an issue that seems to be consuming you. Cinda Roffman in Westlake Village was a great help to me and I am thankful for her compassion and assistance.

So all this hard work, all this preparation for the big day that is almost a week away became even more real and expensive yesterday when I had my pre-op appointment with my surgeon. We went over the procedure again (it had been a year since my consult) and discussed what recovery would be like. He didn’t mince words about the fact that it would be hard (I might be “miserable” and “experience depression” for about two weeks and then it will all lift away once I start to notice improvement), and he wrote my prescriptions to fill in advance. Finally, he took out his fancy camera and photographed my belly for my official “Before” photos. I didn’t mean to, but my belly saw the camera and I intuitively sucked in. I look forward to a day — maybe in December or January — when I won’t have to suck in. Actually, I won’t be able to suck in!

And then the most painful part thus far — the cha-ching! It’s really so nauseating how much of the surgery is not covered by insurance (only about 20% of the surgery, anything related to my hernia, is considered a medical issue, which makes no sense because the diastasis recti is the cause of the hernia and that is considered cosmetic. Major eye roll.) And an hour after we arrived, we were good to go. So simple for such a built-up date in my life.

I will take the next week to prepare. I have to make sure I have all the after-care supplies, practice my sleeping positions with all the propped up pillows, organize the schedules for the girls, and handle last minute errands I won’t be able to make once I’m recovering. I am not accepting substitute teaching jobs and have one day left of work to teach my regular Monday art class. I’m trying to keep my schedule light so I can spend time with my girls and make sure that Bryan feels appreciated before I become super needy and worthless. In the meantime, I need to breathe and think of my happy place.

Any other last minute tips about going into a big surgery? Toss ’em at me. I am feeling receptive to advice and been-there-done-that nuggets of wisdom. Excited to be on the Flat Side of this journey, and I plan to get there without hiccups. No really, hiccups are actually going to hurt! So will laughing and sneezing. Nobody is allowed to tell me funny jokes or wear perfume around me as of November 18th!