Daddy Day Care
This past weekend, Alison went away for a few days with her girls, leaving Madelyn and me home alone to fend for ourselves. We did not have the usual services that mom provides, like picking out outfits, preparing dinner, and basically just making all decisions — my main reason for marrying a good Jewish wife in the first place. Luckily, I felt up to the task and was actually excited to spend the weekend with my daughter, just the two of us (and Princeton). I mean, it was only two and a half days, so I couldn’t screw things up too badly.
I remember the few times I got to stay home with just my dad when my mom was gone, it was like being at work when the boss is out. I had all the cliches — pizza for dinner, staying up late, watching rated-R movies — it was awesome. Of course, I was older than Madelyn is now, so it was definitely different. But I was still excited to be a single dad for the weekend. The last time I was “on my own” with Madelyn for more than a few hours at a nostalgic time for me — the first month or so of Madelyn’s life when Alison was recovering and I was working overtime as a stay-at-home dad/husband. Though it seemed so overwhelming at the time, everything was so laughably easy back then given that Madelyn could barely move and basically only wanted to drink milk, poop, or sleep at any given point. Of course, things are so much more complicated now with not just milk to digest, Madelyn constantly on the move, and a whole host of extra things to take care of. But I’ve watched my wife, the master mom, do it so many times that I wasn’t even slightly worried.
Thankfully, neither was she. I was grateful not to have to navigate through sticky notes of instructions spread all around the house as I recall my dad having to do when I was little. Things may be more complicated now, but we’re not quite to the point of schlepping to soccer practice or dance class yet — no crazy schedules to keep or random bits of information to keep track of. M has her routine, and it’s one that Alison and I have a pretty good handle on by now. I like to take over a lot of the caretaker duties on Saturdays anyway since I don’t get to spend as much time doing it during the week. So Alison knew I’d be fine, and I was.
I left a little bit early from work on Friday to take over for Mimi and Poppa, who came over for a brief gap-filling afternoon shift so I could finish up my work day. I had scheduled some hangout time with my friend Brian that evening, but Madelyn and I spent the afternoon together. We hung out downstairs, fiddling with our toys — her with her Elmo doll in her playpen, me with my new TV on the wall. After her afternoon nap, it was time for dinner. Alison and I try to keep Madelyn eating healthy (even if I somehow can’t keep myself eating healthy), so it was chicken sausage and vegetables on Madelyn’s highchair tray.
httpv://youtu.be/0JzY-TTTfjM
Though I tried to keep her up long enough to see her Uncle Brian, she just couldn’t make it, and it was time for bed. Like the master sleeper that she is, she went down easy, leaving just enough time to clean up the house for my guests and pretend like it’s always that clean. I had a fun, late night chatting it up and went to sleep wondering how Alison does this every day…and I only had a half day!
On Saturday, after some play time and a morning nap, I picked out Madelyn’s outfit (by myself!) and it was off to Grandma’s house for a fun-filled day with Grandma and Grandpa, Auntie Ali, soon-to-be-Uncle Michael, and cousins Steve and Chris, whose 60th birthday we celebrated. It was nice to have some extra help, of course, and Madelyn loved crawling around a more spacious house, performing for a larger crowd. Madelyn played, napped, then played some more as we sang some guitar-accompanied songs with her and had a fabulous dinner that she helped us gobble up.
When it was time for Madelyn to go to sleep, she went to sleep as usual, and when it was time for me to go to sleep, I scooped her up, put her in the car seat, drove home, then scooped her up again and put her in her crib. Amazingly, she didn’t complain one bit. No whining. No crying. No milk. Nothing. She just went right back to sleep each time.
I love her so much.
On our last day together, we started off the day with breakfast and Sesame Street (already a weekend morning tradition by this point) followed by the usual morning nap. Then it was off to meet Uncle Kevin and Aunt Lisa at our favorite brunch location (and yours too I hope) — Brent’s Deli! It’s always fun seeing Kevin and Lisa, especially at Brent’s. We had a grand old time as Madelyn entertained us the whole time.
One thing that was really funny was watching a couple who showed up a few minutes after I did with a baby about Madelyn’s age. They followed the same routine I did! 1) High chair cover, 2) Plastic sticky-back placemat, 3) Puffs (same brand), 4) Little bits of food from adult plate, 5) Oops!…Move the knife, 6) Repeat steps 3-5. It was validation that I was doing everything right. It’s like Alison taught both me and them what to do before she left.
The fun parts of the weekend were over as Madelyn and I headed home. During the final afternoon nap, I cleaned the house and readied everything for Alison’s grand return. It’s always nice to come home to a clean house, so I wanted to use the down time and take the opportunity to make sure that’s what happened. After a nice long nap, Madelyn woke up, had some leftovers from Friday night, then it was time for a nice…long…bath. This kid was a mess and I couldn’t let her mom see her like this. So a few scrubs and washes later, we concluded our time together and Madelyn went to sleep, hardly realizing what a feat her father had just accomplished. And the next morning, she’d wake up to see her mommy and forget all about our fun weekend together.
Especially now as Madelyn is turning one, I know I will remember this weekend fondly for a long time. Of course by our next weekend together she’ll most definitely be walking and talking, but this weekend together was just a fantastic reminder of what a great ride this year has been…and how much I love being Maddie’s Daddy.
Happy Birthday sweet girl!
What A Difference A Year Makes
We are on the heels of Madelyn’s first birthday which is this Thursday, August 9th. People keep reminding me that she’s about to turn one, commenting how big she is and how fast the year went. None of this is news to me. She is big now and I swear I blinked and it’s already August again.
I’ve been pretty emotional as we approach her birthday and it’s not because I don’t want Madelyn to get older; I’m excited for toddler-hood and know we’re in for a treat of many laughs and fun times. I just know that if this year zoomed by, then I know all the years after will, too.
I worry. What if I didn’t appreciate X? What if I didn’t spend enough time doing Y? What if I missed out on Z? I don’t want to have any regrets, especially about Madelyn’s first year. I have no control over time and can’t press the pause button. The clock is going to strike 12 on August 9th and just like that, Madelyn will be one. One year down in the books. Next!
The one-year mark is not just about Madelyn getting older. Now that I am a mother, I feel as though birthdays should celebrate the children who were born, and also the mothers who brought them into the world. To think about what I went through, what I felt, what I experienced a short 12 months ago and how I ended up 12 months later is remarkable.
The Alison of August 2011 had no idea what life would be like today. A year ago at this time, I didn’t even know when I’d be having a baby. All I knew is that I was past my due date and twiddling my thumbs. There had been talk of a possible induction, but it wouldn’t be until the day before Madelyn’s eventual birthday that the induction would actually be scheduled. A year ago at this time, I was so swollen, I could hear my feet go squinch-squinch as I walked. My chins were aiming in vertical and horizontal directions. I was peeing every 45 minutes and only making a drip-drop each time. I was frightened about birth and pushing out a baby. The Alison of then had no idea she’d never even get to push.
The Alison of then had no idea that after she brought home her baby, she’d go through 11 weeks of pure hell, recovering from an extremely painful and serious infection at her incision site. The Alison of then was intending to breastfeed for a year, never even considering she’d last only 10 days. The Alison of then didn’t expect the overwhelming strong support and love that would come pouring out of family and friends after the baby would be born, and she had no clue how she could possibly re-fall in love with her husband and fall madly in awe of a new little person. The Alison of a year ago assumed a few months of hard work would bring her body back to normal and was unaware of the unfortunate combination of gravity and pregnancy.
I tell the Alison of 2011, “Oh, Alison of 2011, only a year ago, you are a completely different person than the Alison of 2012. A year changed your priorities and passions and it was the best year to ever happen.”
So I guess I’m not sad about the year quickly passing. I’m not happy about it either. I’m just… fascinated. In awe. I am still adjusting and figuring it out and recovering in my own way. But the timer is about to go “ding!” on the year and I’m not sure I’m ready to turn off the oven and start preparing a new year. I like this year. I went through a lot, some shitty things happened, mostly amazing things happened, and I don’t think I’m really on board to move on and start over. To file this year away seems rude.
I’ve tried to explain this to various friends and family members and I’m not sure it made sense then, and I am pretty sure it still doesn’t make sense now. I am a sentimental fool and the symbol of a birthday — of turning a year older — makes me realize that the past is no longer of importance and our eyes must be aimed toward the future and what comes next. But the thing is, some of the most important things happened in the past 363 days and I don’t want them to become distant memories.
And this is why I write.
that last picture of all your family and closest friends on the other side of the window makes me so happy every single time I see it!!! I’ll have to remember to get a picture like this when I get a little baby!!!
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY MADELYN!!!!
Away
One of my best friends from college is getting married in October and before Harmony sets off to marry her loverboy, our girls are getting together where it all began for us — the dusty streets of Tucson — to send her off with a bachelorette weekend! We’re all so excited to head back to our roots (a drive-by of AEPhi, I’m sure), eat at all of our favorite places (Beyond Bread 82374987134 times), enjoy the good life that we didn’t live when we were in college (staying at one of the resorts in the hills!), and be the cougars we never thought we’d be at our favorite dive bar (DIRTBAGS! A part of growing up. We grew up. Oy.). It’s all really exciting — mostly because Harmony’s getting marrrrrried — but I always have the best time with my Phis and we’ve been squealing about this weekend for months.
Harmony and me before an AEPhi date dash my junior/her senior year.
Our 2nd Beyond Bread trip during our Tucson weekend in 2010
Fun night out at Dirtbags in 2010. We felt old THEN…
Wine tasting weekend in Santa Ynez Valley with all six of us together only a couple months pre-pregnancy.
Together for Madelyn’s baby naming earlier this year!
And while I’m with all my favorite girls, I will be away from my best good girl back home; my Madelyn.
This weekend will be the first time I’ve ever been away from Madelyn for a night. And it’ll be two nights. Sure, I’ve had my necessary “days off,” to get a mani/pedi or meet up with business clients (want to advertise on a Jewish weddings blog?), but I’ve never gone to sleep and woken up without her a few handfuls of feet away.
Bryan is going to enjoy a daddy/daughter weekend, which I know he’s looking forward to. During the week, he only gets to spend an hour or two at night with her before she goes to sleep, so they’re going to have some pretty concentrated bonding time. I’m glad for them because I think it’s special, but I’m also going to feel left out. I wish I could clone myself and be in two places at once. What if she starts walking hard-core? What if she starts putting together real words? What if she performs a soprano aria to a sold out crowd at Carnegie Hall? These are the things I’d be sad to miss.
Daddy and Daddy’s Girl
I know he’ll take good care of her. He is, after all, the one who kept the two of us alive those first three weeks at home when I was battling my infection. He totally had the household under control, and he’s always my rock when I need him to be. But part of me can’t help but feel the mom guilt that I should be at home with my family and maintain a sense of normalcy. I’m not at all concerned that Bryan isn’t up for the job, and as much as we are very connected, we are also still individuals who parent in slightly different ways. Things that may not happen on my watch with my rules during the day may pass with flying colors when Daddy’s in charge … not because he’s intentionally defying the mother hen, but because it’s not something that particularly bothers him when he rules the roost. Then again, I remember the rules were slightly different (read: bent) when my dad was the boss when my mom was away on business trips, and it was freakin’ awesome. M&Ms for snack time and pizza delivery for dinner, all while watching TV in the living room? Score! It was fun, I survived, and I even turned out pretty well.
Madelyn will probably not even have a clue that I’m gone. That’s a good thing. I’m sure when I’m galavanting through The Toos with the girls, all I’ll need is a photo text or two to make me feel like I’m part of life at home. When the weekend of celebrating Harmony is over and I come back from my two days away, nothing will cheer me up about leaving my favorite girls than a hug from my best good girl.
With my little nugget.
Funny, I’m leaving for the first time this weekend also! I’ll commiserate with you from a far.
Have a blast… need to get them in before you have 2!
Have a great time! A happy mommy =a happy house!
At The Zoo
Lately, I have felt exhausted and pulled in many different directions. I guess it’s the normal mom thing. Taking care of the household and chasing an 11-month old all day. Holding up commitments with friends and social dates. Putting a lot of energy into family events and members. Generally, I have been doing a lot of “being there” for others, and not really for myself. I don’t mind any of this — the schlepping, the late nights, the spending — but it is tiring. But I feel like lately, I’ve had a hard time saying “no,” when I probably should say “no.” What can I say? I don’t want to miss out on anything. I don’t want to let anyone down. I want to be everywhere and with everyone. It gets tiring, though, and I needed a day for myself to enjoy a new environment and calm surroundings. So my mom, Madelyn, and I headed up to Santa Barbara to enjoy a beautiful day at the zoo. I was still a mom. I was still schlepping. But for some reason, it felt liberating.
It was actually Madelyn’s second time at the zoo. Bryan and I took her in May with our friends Stefanie and Jeremy and their daughter, Brielle. We enjoyed introducing our daughters, 5 months apart, to the animals and spending time together as families.
We bought an annual pass because I knew it would be a perfect outing for when I needed a mini day-cation away. Earlier in the week when I made the plans to come back with my mom, I knew it would be the necessary refresher for our three generations to escape for the day.
And what’s better than escaping to the Savannah to see the giraffes, Asia to see the elephants, and the Congo to see the gorillas?
We rode the train around the zoo and learned about the behind-the-scenes of exhibits and animals. We enjoyed a yummy picnic lunch from my favorite sandwich shop down the street while overlooking the water to the left and the botanical gardens to the right. The weather was perfect. The air was clean. And there’s something special and empowering about being so close to some of nature’s greatest miracles. It’s humbling to be inches away from beautiful animals and watching them eat, interact, snooze, and play.
Madelyn was too young to understand all of this. But she was happy. And I hope her days at the zoo will leave her in awe of the animal kingdom and love them as much as I do when she’s old enough to appreciate these trips.
My days-old, lingering headache that’s gotten the best of me from recent stress didn’t feel so bad when I realized I got to escape the pile of laundry that waited at home, take a break from planning and organizing, and not feel like I had to say “yes.” Today, I didn’t spread myself too thin.
I loved spending a fun-filled day at the Santa Barbara Zoo & going on “safari” with my 2 beautiful favorite girls!! It was a perfect day. I love you both so much!! Xoxo
Going For A Walk
Two Madelyns go for an afternoon stroll with their walkers.