So, newsflash, pregnancy and a couple weeks of nursing and the post partum hormones apparently do a number on a body. Unlike milk, they don’t do a body good. All of this along with a weight loss plan in motion (it’s slowly coming along… Sigh…) I realized I’ve been totally wearing the wrong bra and the girls were not being respected as they should be.

An episode of my new favorite afternoon talk show, “Bethenny,” inspired me when she did a boob episode about how to shop for and wear a bra. I know, I know, Oprah did this same episode like a zillion times, but I was a spring chicken back then and find the topic relevant only now that I’ve been through the ringer. It’s so funny that 95% of women wear the incorrect size and I knew I was probably just another statistic. So off to Nordstrom I went where I knew I’d get superior and expert service and I did!

As I learned in pregnancy and childbirth, modesty flew out the window (along with good hair days, the fear of touching poop, and a phobia of killing spiders) and there I was in the middle of the Nordstrom dressing room, letting it all hang out with the sales woman who’s now on the same “closeness” level as Dr. Fiiiiine, trying on bras made out of magical fabrics probably produced by the tears of a 5,000-year-old mythical silkworm owned as a pet by the emperor of China. Good times. No really, I think the sales woman is probably on deck to deliver my next baby. She’s now seen it all. Heeeeey.

So, along with losing my modesty, I gained a lot of knowledge. Apparently, I’ve lost weight and am back to my pre-baby band size (the number) so that’s good because I was really not okay with the back muffin top that had acquired during pregnancy. That was good news. But there was even better news: I got a promotion in cup size. Like, a double promotion. I went from mail room to CEO in 5 minutes and I’ve never been happier. I went from, like, the beginning of the alphabet to a handful (minus a thumb) letters in! What?! It’s all about coverage, and I was wearing a couple cup sizes too small and not getting appropriate coverage and, therefore, a good fit. So now I have the right bra AND my measurements entitle me to a callback for Real Housewives of Ventura County. Andy Cohen, I’m ready for my close up.

A completely true and natural, unPhotoshopped portrait of me modeling my new bra from Nordstrom. There is nothing false about this picture.

Every day, I learn something new on my motherhood journey. Sometimes it’s how to transfer a sleeping Madelyn from the car seat to her crib. Other times it’s about tricking her into eating green beans when she refuses veggies at dinner time. But today, the journey was about me and how I’ve changed now that I’m a mother. Turns out, I don’t mind dishing out the dollars for a good bra. Also, it turns out I am totally in on that secret Victoria knows.

Sister-mamas, do yourself a favor and spend the time to really get fitted with an expert! I had a fantastic experience at Nordstrom and it’s refreshing to know that the mommy costume doesn’t have to apply to underthings. We deserve these treats, ya know?