Mama’s No Spring Chicken

If you don’t blog about your birthday, then you don’t age, right? Right? No? Crap.

Well, I aged. Over a month ago. Oops. I guess I’m getting so old and decrepit that I forgot to blog about my 29th that was in June, which is so uncharacteristic of me because as a young thing, I was a girl who enjoyed birthdays! It’s not that I dreaded my birthday this year, but I really actually forgot about it! It was my first birthday as a mom, and June 7th was no different: my day was all about Madelyn, just as it is every other day of the year. I like it like that. But sweet Bryan swooped me up and surprised me for a great birthday getaway to Catalina! Apparently, going to Catalina on your birthday gets you a free boat ride and lots of birthday greetings from everyone you meet if you wear a snazzy birthday pin. It’s like Disneyland at the beach.

We meant to enjoy Madelyn’s first boat ride but we were all uncharacteristically sea sick. No tangible evidence of that — thank goodness! — but we were pretty green as we chopped out to the island from San Pedro. And there was no A/C. And Madelyn’s very dirty poopy diaper was wafting in our space as she sat on our laps. Happy birthday, Alison. Here’s some hot shit for you.


We finally arrived and it was so nice to be on land. Not just because of the rough waters, but because it was absolutely gorgeous! The sky was a clearn, clear blue, the air was warm and breezy, and the water sparkled like a glass case at Tiffany & Co. I love the postcard scene everywhere you look in Avalon. The houses on the hills and the beachy vendors on the waterfront. Everything is just pretty.

Our hotel room was beautiful! We didn’t know what to expect since there’s no Marriott on the island, so Bryan booked a really nice boutique hotel that was excellent! We freshened up in the room after our boat ride and walked around the beachfront. We made friends with lots of birds and a deer that was just chillin’ on a hill a few feet away from the street. Meanwhile, we scouted places to eat and finally settled on a yummy steakhouse with great views of the water.

Our food was good and Madelyn was a champ at the table. I love going to nice restaurans and walking to our table while receiving the hairy eyeball from strangers who look us up and down and roll their eyes about their assumed now-ruined dinner. And then those very same people end up making friends with Madelyn who entertains them with general cuteness. Mm hmm. That’s right, biatches.

It was still pretty early and it WAS my birthday so we decided to extend our evening with a walk around the “downtown” streets when we stumbled along the world’s smallest bowling alley. Madelyn had fallen asleep in her stroller and we were watching the two lanes of bowlers enjoying little balls the size of cantaloupes and pins the size of shampoo bottles. One lane had two sets of older couples enjoying some good clean fun. The other lane comprised of a young husband and wife about our age who were all tatted up and the sole reason the adjoining bar was in business. They were absolutely plastered and when they saw us watching the games, we were their new sober victims.

Victims of what? Drunk, sweaty hugs and high fives (I was dying), over sharing about their sex life, and a dozen slideshows on their iPhones of their two daughters at home and inevitable parenting advice. They insisted we bowl with them and it was actually really entertaining and bizarre at the same time, especially because we knew we’d never see them again. But after we’d heard them repeat the same stories at least four times, each time more difficult to understand the syllables, we decided we were done when the game was over. But then the husband heard it was my birthday and bought us all a round of Coors Light. This would have been a sweet deal if I was a college fraternity brother. But I am an old lady who doesn’t do beer. Our new BFFs shoved bottles in our faces, shouted “happy birthday” at extremely loud decibels, and Bryan and I telepathically communicated that we needed an out. At that moment, not only did Madelyn wake up crying in her stroller, but the bowling game broke and the manager said the game would have to be restarted. There was our cue! And no one can argue about a crying baby needing to go to sleep! We thanked our new friends, snuck out with our bottles, and trashed them in a sidewalk garbage can, laughing all the way back to the hotel.

The next morning, we woke up and had to take the first boat back for scheduling purposes. We took a bunch of pictures of the scenery from the docks as we waited for our boat. Thankfully, the way back was smooth and comfortable. It was a quick trip but just what we needed to celebrate my first birthday as a family of three.

Later that weekend, we enjoyed grown up time with our friends at Malibu Wines. We brought a picnic and enjoyed a day in the Santa Monica mountains with the sun shining over us and great conversation filling the day.

My birthday ended up being a special one with all of our fun events and the people we shared them with. Next year is the big 3-0 and I’ll have an almost 2-year-old to chase around to keep me young.