H2 Oh So Cute!
Nothing is more refreshing than a little water play on a hot summer spring day! It’s been heating up here in Ventura County, so I bought this water table on a whim at Costco. It was a good deal! And I’ve read too many blogs and seen too many Pinterest boards about providing sensory experiences for toddlers. So, in order to be Mother of the Year, I bought this little sucker for my little pisher to enjoy.
I even managed to put it together all by myself. I have a rule. Things that don’t require screws or batteries are totally up my Ali Alley. Everything else is Daddy-Only. This is mostly because I can never remember the names of tools. So I snapped in the handful of plastic parts to stand this baby up and was pretty proud of my handy work. Basically, I’m an engineer.
I couldn’t wait. I set it up on our greenbelt and let her go to town. I had the fancy camera handy so I snapped a bunch of pics, capturing a progressively soaking t-shirt and droplets of water that supplemented her happiness. It was a great first encounter with the water table and even when she was finished with it, she was high on cuddles and giggles.
A few days later, I thought I’d try again, but go a little more pro. Madelyn was napping, so while she snoozed, I pushed the table outside, filled ‘er up on one side, and poured uncooked rice into the other side. When she woke up, I was so excited to put her in a bathing suit I’d received at my baby shower (Thanks, Sharona!) that finally fit her and snap photos of playtime at the new water table.
She got pretty into it. She mostly knocked down the waterfall feature and proceeded to mix the dry rice into the water, but it was all a welcome mess. This time, I got photos with my crappy iPhone and they were taken in harsh light in the worst angle, but it was really a picture-perfect vision to behold. My eyes savored the mental snapshot of my beautiful baby on a warm May day wobbling on her chubby legs as she danced with glee from water splashing her face and soaking her curls. Her shrieks of delight are forever engrained in my ears, and my cheeks hurt from smiling so hard as I watched her take it all in.
Gosh, motherhood is awesome.
Leader of the Park
Once Madelyn became fairly mobile on two feet, I started to take her to the park. There’s a beautiful park down the street from our place that has big grassy fields, two play structures, and lots of picnic areas. It’s pretty near perfect, and I was always so excited to introduce this kind of outside play to Madelyn. But she wanted nothing to do with it. Taking after her parents’ Olympian-like athletic abilities (no), she was not at all comfortable with running and climbing and sliding on what other children seem to not get enough of!
I tried every few weeks to see if she’d decided yet to be a park kid, and nope. It wasn’t happening.
Until this week. Her squeals of delight were worth the wait! She has gained so much confidence and loves to go up and down the stairs, whiz down the slide, and explore the nooks and crannies. Watching her figure out how to go around an obstacle or manage the stairs that are still a little too steep for her short legs is fascinating. She is fearless when she scampers while every few steps, she looks back to make sure I’m still there.
Madelyn climbs, runs, and explores like an Ironbaby.
Madelyn’s new favorite event at the Park Olympics: The Slide
Watching her climb higher makes me simultaneously feel proud and nauseous. #MamaBear
I also love watching Madelyn interact with other kids. One sweet boy who was almost exactly her age sat down on the two-by-two slide next to her and held out his hand to take hers and she wasn’t giving it up! I suppose we should be glad about this and hope she keeps this up in 14 years.
However, my kid is also socially fearless! There was a group of boys who were older than Madelyn, maybe about four, who were eating a snack in the corner of the sandbox. Madelyn walked right up to them, squatted down, and pointed to their crackers. They guarded their crackers with their lives and said “SHE’S GONNA STEAL YOUR CWACKAS!!! TELL HUH TO GET A WAAAAAY.” Listen up, boys, she’s not going to steal your cwackas. She’s just curious and friendly. Be a mensch and don’t be so intimidated by a toddler who doesn’t even talk.
Madelyn has also begun to have commercial recognition because we’ve chosen not to raise her under a rock. There’s TV and Target, so she knows about characters. We already know that she’s a die-hard Elmo fan, but she also has taken a major liking to Minnie Mouse. I think she likes Mickey, too, because of his mouse persuasion, but it’s really all about the bow and lashes (such a GIRL!). So when she saw another little girl with a giant Minnie on her t-shirt, Madelyn gasped, went “Ooooooo!” and pointed. The other little girl looked at her like she was nuts, and I decided to bridge the confusion gap and say “Oh, Madelyn likes your Minnie shirt! Do you like Minnie Mouse, too?” and the other little girl stared at me blankly while I suddenly got very self conscious around a preschooler. Madelyn couldn’t get it together and she was fangirling out over this t-shirt and got closer, bent down, and went nose-to-Minnie’s-nose. Yes, my daughter’s face was millimeters away from this other little girl’s bellybutton area. Her caretaker, thankfully, thought this was just as hysterical as I did, while the girl patiently waited for Madelyn to get a hold of herself who was shrieking with utter glee. Finally, for one more zinger, Madelyn blew an air kiss — “mmmmm-ah!” — to this girl’s t-shirt and then continued to point. I decided enough was enough, and scooted her toward the slide for another ride. Toddlerworld is so much different than adult world. Thank goodness this little girl was tolerant enough of Madelyn’s obsession. What if adults walked around pointing to things they loved on other peoples’ t-shirts? What if I walked up to a grown up wearing a t-shirt with a bottle of wine on it and kissed it? Not OK.
Madelyn spots Minnie Mouse on a t-shirt from across the park. It was the gasp heard ’round the world.
Madelyn’s new park antics are definitely entertaining for everyone. Can’t wait to take her again and see how she continues abolish social graces.
Life Is Grand
You know, I rarely talk about serious stuff on here. There was that time, and this time, and that time, but I rarely do serious. I’m not good at serious. I’m better at funny. In fact, there are many times that I turn serious things into funny, like this, for example, and that’s just the way I deal.
So, here I am faced with serious — not a common occurrence in my life, since I like to surround myself with uplifting and light people and situations — and this time, I don’t think there’s much room for joking around. My grandpa, Jules, my mom’s dad, is currently seeing the sun set on his life. Well, he’s not seeing much of it, but we all are. I am lucky enough to not have really seen the face of death in my own life. The only prominent death I’ve experienced is my Poppa’s, my dad’s dad, and I was 17 and not really prepared for what his decline meant. Since then, I’ve felt guilty that I didn’t spend enough time with him, that I didn’t appreciate what I had, that I should have visited more at the end. We were close and I adored him. We had lots of fun together, but at 17, so many other things were going on with my life as a high school senior, that I don’t think I understood the severity of his health status and the imminence of death, and instead, I went through the motions with the rest of my family without really being deeply affected. Of course, now I am affected and I wish I could hear his voice again and joke around with him (I’d like to think I have his sense of humor. I think he’d find me funny today).
So, as with all things in life, we take previous experiences and learn from them. Now that I’m faced with my last grandfather’s final days, I am choosing to reflect on our almost 30 years together and be present by his side and, where it matters most, by the side of my immediate family. It’s not out of obligation, but a greater sense of family and value for my roots.
I’ve been lucky to know all four of my grandparents. And after my Grandpa goes, I will still have two very wonderful grandmothers. I grew up within 20 minutes of both sets, and my positive experiences with my grandparents is the reason why we choose to stay close to both of Madelyn’s sets of grandparents.
I am in awe, more than anything, that in 2011, Madelyn was born into a family of THREE great-grandmothers and one great-grandfather! Madelyn got to meet every one of them and Bryan even explained his very similar feelings when Madelyn met his then-only living grandparent when she was four months old. He wrote about it in December of 2011, and Grandma Jeannie passed away three months later. Her yarzheit, the anniversary of her death, was actually this week, and we are going to temple tonight to commemorate it.
Knowing that my Grandpa’s life will most likely be over in a matter of days, if not less, as projected by the wonderful and compassionate Hospice nurse, Madelyn will be losing another great-grandparent before her second birthday. I am just so grateful that she got to know my Grandpa, her Grandy, and even though he’s been fairly ill for all of her life (Alzheimer’s is a mean and nasty disease), I know he enjoyed spending time with her. Even when he asked how old she was 17 times in a single visit, he smiled wider than when he wasn’t with her. He always talked about how beautiful she is, how cute she is. He stared at her with true contentment on his face. We might have walked out the door and those moments never happened in his memory, but they definitely left their mark in our togetherness.
He’s 92. He hasn’t lived a short life. With three daughters and three sons-in-law, five grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren, the youngest being Madelyn, he has seen the world and then some. And even though my most recent visit with him on Monday showed a dying man, to me, he looked like a well-lived man. He didn’t speak much — he can’t — and I really don’t even know if he knew my mom and I were there, but when he woke up for minutes from his frequent snoozes, he reached out for our hands and even had the strength to squeeze them lightly. He was cold, but I felt warmth. He was quiet, but he spoke love.
I don’t think that when he told me stories in his house or took me to my Girl Scouts square dance in first grade that I would have ever imagined I wouldn’t have my Grandpa at any point in my life. I’m sad that his time is coming to a close, but it’s a strange thing because it’s concurrently difficult and comforting. I’m just so glad that he’s been part of my life for so long, that he walked down the aisle at my wedding, adored Bryan like his own grandson, and his eyes twinkled for Madelyn.
When he’s finally gone, I will miss him, but I will be proud to take on the responsibility of talking about him and keeping him in everyone’s memory. Madelyn will know about him because we will talk about him. We will tell funny stories about him and even joke about how he chews everything — even Jell-o — for five minutes on both sides of his mouth. We will also talk about his generosity toward everyone and his well-dressed, dapper appearance. I even remember him charming all my friends in high school with a wink — always the flirt, in that cute old Grandpa way.
Life is short. This isn’t news to any of us. We always say this when something bad happens or when someone dies. My Grandpa will leave a legacy, though, not just in the people left behind, but as a reminder to me to be like him: thoughtful, kind, and loving. I think back on 30 years, and instead of taking him for granted, I know that he’s made life — his and mine — grand.
A truly moving and loving tribute to my favoite Uncle. The chewing part gave me a chuckle as that is what I always teased him about when I ate Chines food at your house every other Sunday. I only have the most wonderful. loving memories of all of your family. Your Mom and Dad always made everyone around them feel speicial and loved. I will take all of my memories and smile every time I think of that wink.
Love
Cousin Fred
Beautiful.. R.I.P. Grandpa.
That was beautiful Alison. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry for the impending loss of your grandfather but you are right…..he will live on in your heart and your memories!
Allison,
This made me bawl, what a beautiful and touching post. I lost both my maternal grandparents while pregnant with the boys and I am still so sad they never got to meet them. My last living grandparent (Bubbie) is also declining in health and it is such a difficult time. You were lucky to have had such wonderful times with him.
Sending Love,
Lisa (Jeff too!)
what a beautiful tribute. He sounds like a wonderful man. Wishing you and your family much peace and love in these tough weeks ahead.
Ali, this is such a sweet post. It very much pulled my heart strings. This past summer I lost my paternal grandfather. He was my first grandparent to pass away. The only thing that got me through it was that he passed away with a loving family surrounding him, and knowing that he had THREE great-grandchildren on the way, including Abigail. His birthday was this month, just like Abigail’s and I can’t help but hope there is some bigger meaning in the universe that he passed away knowing about her, but never getting to meet her. I wish you strength in these upcoming days.
Announcing That Madelyn Is Going To Be…
An only child for a while longer!
Hold your horses, people, with campaigning down our throats for continued procreation! We love procreating and we even think we’re pretty good at it, but once Madelyn’s one-year mark passed, people have been inquiring about the status of my uterus on a weekly basis.
Here’s the thing: I loved being pregnant (weird, I know) and I love being a mommy. I think it’s what I was, like, MADE to do. Seriously, if I wasn’t a mom, I’d be totally pointless as a human being. But that doesn’t mean I have to go all Octomom within 20 months of starting a family and have an entire crew team by the time I’m 30 (holy crap that’s in less than three months) (also, us breeding a crew team — haha, that’s funny). No really, having one is a lot and even if we were going to stop at one, there’s nothing wrong with that. Watch as I sparkle on my only child pedestal.
One more finger over and Madelyn would be telling us her thoughts on the subject.
But we will have more. I mean, that’s the plan, anyway. We plan to have another kid so we can fill out an entire booth at Claim Jumper and also because the grandparents will want at least another rugrat to spoil. And Princeton needs another
tormentorhuman sibling to love because he’s already so good with Madelyn. It’s in the Friedman Family Agenda, but you know what, we’re still in homeroom and another kid isn’t until, like, after school.I feel like we’ve gotten our whole routine down with Madelyn and it’s great. Things are really perfect right now and I don’t want to do anything to change it up. Plus, she’s almost two, so basically, she’s a ticking time bomb at all hours of the day, and even though she’s an overall terrific kid, she’s still work. And I’m more of the slacker and lazy type of adult, staying true to my child-of-the-early-90s stereotype, and I can’t be bothered with more work than I’m already doing.
Does this look like the face of a child who would like an order of less attention with a side of shared fries?
Also, Bryan’s already received the ransom note, so this isn’t a surprise to him, but I’m holding my uterus hostage until we land a bigger house. I know, I know, I sound like a brat because people make it work with, like, a shoebox and a dishtowel, but those people are brave and I’m not brave. I’m everything but brave. I’m a big, whiny wimp and I am not envisioning my Happy Little Family of Four in our 2-bedroom condo. It’s a great condo. It has two big bedrooms. There’s a nice living space and a darling kitchen. We are busting at the seams, and there’s no way I’m going to volunteer to trip on double the toys and jumpy things and Little People characters in the same small quarters. We need a yard. We need more bedrooms. And so I told Bryan as we were outlining our golden years because, yes, we are already senior citizens, that I will give him my uterus if he will give me a house. It is such a fair deal, you guys. So, we’re working on that. I just need all those rich aholes who are buying the houses we keep bidding on to stop paying with all cash and making us look like paupers. It’s not fair and they’re acting like human birth control. Go buy houses in less desirable areas and the rest of you who live between Oak Park and Newbury Park all need to put your 4-bedroom/3-bathroom house up for sale so I can buy it. Thanks. (oh, and if your kitchen is remodeled, you get Friedman 2.0 naming rights). (stainless steel appliances and a built-in island get you middle AND first name).
And — cheeseball alert — I can’t imagine loving another child right now. There’s just no more room in my big, squishy heart for a tiny, baby person. I married Bryan and he took up a lot of that heart. Then we adopted Princeton and he filled in the rest. And then Madelyn came and she made it expand like a balloon and all the veins and arteries started overflowing with insane amounts of heart juice and now my love for her is out of control. So how can I possibly give all my love and attention and pride to a mini-Madelyn? I know it works and so many of my friends have more than one kid and they don’t even play favorites and they say they actually love both their kids. People have been having more than one kid for, ya know, forever so obviously it’s possible and I will love Madelyn’s sibling (hi, if you’re reading this in 10 years. I love you, I do. This was written before you came, ok? Are we cool? Are you going to grow up and have “Mommy Issues?” Did I ruin you with this blog post?), but at this time, while Madelyn is only 19 months old, I am not ready to share my love with more than one child. That’s probably good that I realized that so I don’t go all Cinderella’s Stepmom on #2’s ass.
And it works in reverse, too. I want Madelyn to be old enough to be able to know how to love another child who lives with her and who will be bonded to her forever. She is so obsessed with Mama and Dada right now (and who could blame her?) that I don’t think she could even handle someone new in her world. I want her to be excited and involved in a sibling when the time comes, so we will wait until she’s older. I still have some mating years left in me and I don’t think I’m being sent out to pasture quite yet, so if we can all just be a little patient while we give Madelyn some more time to cook as the center of our universe, my reproductive system will thank you.
This is my actual reproductive system thanking you… and wearing Louboutins, no less.
In a world where we live and breathe the news of Facebook and track everyone’s prenatal month and make vegetable comparisons, we are all very involved in each others’ lives. The questions I get about our next pregnancy all come from a good and supportive place, and for that I am grateful. So, to answer your question, yes we are thinking about #2 and we think it’s going to be a little while longer. But #2, we know you’ll be worth the wait!
Visiting My Old Chomping Grounds
And the circle of life continues. I took Madelyn to my childhood dentist for her first check-up and it was a total trip to be back at the office I visited twice a year until I was in my teens. It seemed much smaller and less clinical, and I’m sure nothing’s actually changed except my own size.
As soon as we walked in, the friendly receptionist greeted us and it was so nice to be reunited! She totally remembered me and gushed over meeting Madelyn. Madelyn, though, had no interest in salutations and bee-lined her way toward the play kitchen. Guess we know what she needs for her 2nd birthday. She whipped up a whole smorgasbord until it was time to go back for the real appointment.
Madelyn takes in the kid-friendly surroundings in the waiting room.
Chef Madelyn competes on “Chopped,” or, as known in the dentist’s office, “Chomped.”
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the hygienist took us back to a consult room which is where we would stay. These peek-a-boo visits, as they call them, don’t require the hard core bells and whistles of the dentist chair and all the mechanics. In fact, Madelyn had little to do with the appointment until the end.
We sat in what was essentially a toy room while Madelyn kept herself busy with a giant Elmo that served as a speaking chair. The hygienist asked me questions about our teeth brushing routine and foods that she eats. Based on my answers, we passed with flying colors with accolades for using straw cups instead of sippy cups, avoiding juice and sticky foods and candies, and brushing at least once a day with a regular routine. This mama still has never had a cavity, so I intend to make sure Madelyn goes through life the same way!
Then the dentist made her grand entrance and even though the practice that she started has expanded to additional offices and a rotation of dentists, I was so glad that we would be seeing her and that she’d get to meet Madelyn’s teeth, too! Then it was time for the actual check-up so we sat Madelyn on my lap facing me and then leaned her back onto the dentist’s lap. This is when Madelyn, who’d been so happy and cooperative the whole time, wailed like Elmo’s life depended on it. At first I tried to console and shush her, but the dentist actually said it’s a good thing: her open, screaming mouth made it easier to see all of her teeth! I like dental logic.
So while Madelyn screamed, the dentist examined and cleaned her teeth. It was all over in minutes, and we sat Pissed-Off Madelyn back up and Cheerful Madelyn returned. It may have had something to do with the toy and Elmo sticker she immediately received from the hygienist, but she happily jumped off my lap and continued playing, with her sparkly, pearly whites shining through her smile.
Madelyn gets tortured, I mean, examined, by the dentist.
The moment finally came that would put my mind at ease: the dentist has a grading scale of 1 through 5 for the quality of brushing, with 1 being the best. My whole life, I received ones every time except one instance when I got a two and nearly had a meltdown about it. If you get ten 1-scores, you get a ticket to Disneyland! If that’s not incentive to brush, brush, brush, I don’t know what is! So, naturally, as a child who was obsessed with earning ones, I was curious to know if Madelyn would start her collection at this early age and sure enough, her 1-streak began! “Proud mama” doesn’t say enough about how I felt! I know, I am totally neurotic, but there could be worse things I obsess over, right?
After our exam was over, we schmoozed in the hallway with the friendly receptionist and other hygienists who were having fun playing with Madelyn. They brought out the treasure box so Madelyn could pick out more toys and she chose, no surprise, a duck, her favorite animal to date.
The office staff treats Madelyn like a princess!
The receptionist introduced me to everyone, saying that I am alumni of the office, and we all joked about how different it is to be there as a grown up! They told me that they’re starting to see a lot of their former patients come back to bring their kids.
It’s times like these that I’m glad I chose to stay in the area and raise Madelyn in my home town. Most kids don’t like going to the dentist, but I guess I was a weird kid and I always did. I hope to instill that same appreciation in Madelyn, and replicating these parts of my own childhood make me so happy.