Before Madelyn was born, you may remember that Alison and I were consumed with reading about all things baby. Well, after Madelyn was born, we didn’t stop reading — it turns out the questions only multiply after the baby shows up! I picked up the sequel to my favorite pre-baby dad book and have enjoyed following Madelyn’s growth month-by-month instead of tracking my insanity month-by-month (though I know it’s still there).

However, there’s one book I began reading before Madelyn that I continue to reference pretty frequently. It was a recommendation from multiple fellow parents called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I’ve really become something of a convert after reading it, and I seem to always find myself trying to enforce M’s sleep habits and push her “schedule.” Apparently, because of this, amongst Alison’s mommy-and-me friends, I’ve become known as the “Sleep Gestapo”, but I prefer “Nap Nazi” (because of the alliteration of course). This book about healthy sleep is the reason why though… well this book, and the fact that it was worked wonders for us so far.

A good sleeper from the beginning!

Honestly, Madelyn has always been a good sleeper, so we’ve definitely had an easier time than many other parents I know. But some of her great sleeping, I’d like to believe, has a lot to do with what I learned from reading this book. I won’t lie though — I haven’t exactly read it cover to cover. It’s not exactly riveting, at least not the same way my “being a dad” books are. But I’ve read enough of the important parts to gather the information we have needed as parents to make sure that Madelyn is getting all the beauty sleep she needs…and so are we. And it’s not just about us getting sleep too. For me, it’s about having time to ourselves and creating a good balance of time being parents and time being spouses.

Photo by Sara Marie Photography

There is one caveat to all my carrying on. I’ve come to realize that no matter what we read or hear from other parents, nothing can replace our instincts as Madelyn’s mom and dad. Alison and I know her pretty well at this point, definitely better than anybody else, so we are usually pretty good at figuring out what she needs. But we’re still pretty new parents, and things change so quickly, it’s nice to have some reference points and that’s what books and web sites and Alison’s “mommy boards” provide us.

So between Weissbluth’s pages, other parent experiences, and our own Madelyn-sense, we’ve been able to come up with a really great sleep plan that works for us. A little bit of this…a little bit of that. I know it wouldn’t work for everybody, but it’s been really great for us.

One thing I like about our sleep philosophy with Madelyn is that, even though I have a reputation as the enforcer of a sleep schedule, we really aren’t that tied to specific nap times. It’s really more about reading M’s tired signals (when she yawns or rubs her eyes) and being more conscious of the stretch of times she’s awake. It’s about consistency in the sleep routine (yay Sleep Sheep and Lovey!) and realizing the importance of sleep in her growth and development. Sometimes, I get home from work late and Madelyn’s already asleep. Sure I’d love to see her and play and have fun, but parenting sometimes requires a degree of unselfishness, and her sleep is important.

The other thing that’s great for Alison and me is that, sometimes, we just have to throw everything – nap schedule, bed time, consistent routine – completely out the window. Maybe she has to stay up for a baby naming, go with us to dinner at a restaurant, or wake up early and skip a nap for mommy-and-me. It’s okay! We know we can get her sleep schedule back in order after a day or two of being out of whack.

Asleep on Daddy's shoulder on the beach of Hawaii. She was soooo tired!

We just recently got back from a week long vacation in Hawaii where, needless to say, M’s schedule was pretty messed up. But looking back, she was actually kind of a rock star. I mean, she never really adjusted to the time change, but given her lack of naps of all her abnormal night wakings, she did pretty well. And now that we’re back, she’s adjusted pretty well. Heck, she’s asleep as I write this! Yes, yes, I know…she’s a good baby. We’re so lucky. I get it. But I think it’s also because Alison and I have sleep-trained her so well. It’s important to us.

Aaaaah, I love watching her sleep in her crib. Sometimes I look at her on the monitor and all I can think is, “I love her.” Is there anything better than the sight of a sleeping baby? I think not.

This past week we went to visit my grandma in Sun City. She hadn’t met Madelyn yet because she said she’s too afraid to leave the friendly confines of Sun City Gardens Senior Independent Living. So we went to her. Of course there’s a whole backstory on how at first she told us to come a different day because she had to go shopping for shoes that day…but then ultimately called us back and said we could come that day because her “friend” Sheila knocked some sense into her and told her she had to meet Madelyn. Of course, my grandma also claims she won’t be coming to my sister’s wedding, so it’s all par for the course with her. I don’t think she’s being purposely careless, it’s just part of what I think is a bit of institutionalization that has occurred since she moved into this Senior Living place.

Anyway, we took my sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law along with us in our new Honda CR-V for the two-hour trek. We arrived there and spent a long two hours with her. Evidently my Grandma takes living in Sun City literally — I imagine being in her apartment feels similar to what it might feel like if you were actually sitting in the sun. It was hooooooottttt. Madelyn got sweaty and cranky in a hurry, and we pretty much stripped her clothes off before resorting to figuring out how to use the AC (against my grandma’s wishes).

At any rate, I was in full dad/husband/brother/grandson mode, leading the troops through a less-than-fun day for the sake of my grandma and to attempt to create a good memory for her, even if it will only last one day. I kept things going as best I could by either breaking out the albums of the “good old days” (which I actually enjoy seeing) or trying to entertain everybody with Madelyn’s undeniable cuteness. I asked my grandma questions I already knew the answer to, even if she didn’t know the answer or even hear the question. I just tried to maintain some sense of sociality in an otherwise anti-social environment. Of course, thanks to some clever maneuvering by my wife, I also took advantage of an opportunity to get a picture of Madelyn with her only great-grandparent on her dad’s side to still be alive. At least I can share it with her when she’s older and tell her the whole story about the visit and just how much of an old kook her Great Grandma Jeannie was.

The thing is, despite my General Friedman routine, it was a tough day for me. I was watching myself all day, harkening back to the days when my dad would drag his troops (my mom, my sister, and me) to his mother’s house and try to keep everyone entertained for a couple of hours, telling stories, reciting jokes, and just keeping things going. And while my Grandma Jeannie isn’t as sick as my Grandma Ruth was, her age is definitely catching up with her and it’s just pretty tough to be around her. She’s always been a stubborn lady, but with time and the loss of her husband, she’s just about near impossible to deal with. I don’t envy my mom or my aunt.

It was hard enough in the moment to keep things afloat — trying to please a stubborn old woman, a hot cranky baby, a supportive but less-than-patient wife, a slightly bitter sister/granddaughter and her fiance — all the while just hanging in there and trying to keep my emotions more or less in check. But it wasn’t until we were leaving that it all just kind of hit me hard (even though I knew I still had to push it away temporarily so I could face the rest of the day’s events). Ever since my grandpa died, though not often, there are times that I get this overwhelming feeling of loss and sadness. I remember feeling it at times during my engagement, briefly during my wedding, and quite a few times during Alison’s pregnancy. But it hasn’t really hit me as hard as it did after visiting my grandma this last time. I just left there thinking “Man I wish my grandpa were here…” …to keep my grandma in check. …to make a joke about the Dodgers ownership. …to meet Madelyn.

My grandpa died on December 10, 2005. So it was only a few weeks ago that marked the sixth anniversary of his passing. I’m sure this had a pretty profound effect on my grandma, even after all this time. My family has very little patience with her, and I can’t blame them one bit. Like I said before, she’s practically impossible to deal with. And even though I get just as frustrated dealing with her those few times that I have to, it saddens me when I think about the fact that she is one of the only remaining roots of my family tree and the only living link to a time that both fascinates and bewilders me.

Even though those days are pretty much only accessible for me and my generation via old photographs and remnants of anecdotes heard throughout the years, I really do enjoy looking at those pictures with my grandma and hearing her stumble through what and who she thinks is in them. It’s important to me to share that era with Madelyn and pass on the legend of her great-grandparents. I never met my parents’ grandparents, but I’ve heard plenty of goofy stories about them and I want to carry on that tradition — whatever it is. Even though we are often impatient and frustrated with the generation of 80 and 90 year-olds who make up our grandparents, we owe virtually everything to them and their parents who began a legacy that we are now in control of. I know that might sound kind of corny and perhaps it is a bit overstated, but I think there’s something to it.

Anyway, I miss my grandpa a lot and I know he’d have gotten such a kick out of seeing Madelyn reach for everything and shove it in her mouth. He would have asked for a high-five from her and then pretended like her slap really hurt his hand, no matter how hard she went at him (and the fact that she wouldn’t have even understood the joke at four-months old). And regardless of what my grandma says and no matter how she acts, I know she got a kick out of seeing Madelyn too. And I’m glad we went to visit her.

Believe it or not, since pretty much the day after my 29th birthday, I’ve been dreading my 30th. To me, turning 30 somehow meant that I would have to officially be an adult now. I know that turning 18 or 21 (or 25) or whatever means you are an adult in the legal sense. But for me, the idea of turning 30 always felt like some sort of symbolic ending to my youth — no more staying up late, no more eating whatever I want, no more crazy nights out with friends…basically no more fun. (In retrospect, I think most of this “fun” ended closer to my 25th birthday anyway.)

So when I saw my 30th birthday fast approaching, at first I thought I’d rather not celebrate it at all. “Let’s just forget this is even happening,” I thought. But of course, that would have been silly, so I decided instead that it was best, as always, to surround myself with everybody that I love and everybody who loves me… …so I can share with them the misery of me turning old. And that’s what I did. (Well, that, and I ate a whole bunch of overly yummy food made by former Top Chef-testants.)

On Saturday night, Alison and I went out with some of our closest friends to Stefan’s at L.A. Farm in Santa Monica. Some of the food that was served to our table is easily some of the best food I’ve ever had in my life — from appetizers, to salads, to entrees and dessert, it was just an exquisite meal. After it was over we even went out and [sort of] partied hard at an Irish Pub. It was almost like college again, only we had more money and we got tired a little early.

On Sunday, my actual birthday, Alison took me to brunch at Eveleigh in West Hollywood for more awesome food followed by a surprise helicopter tour of L.A. Such an awesome surprise, and we got to see some really cool sites from 500 feet in the air.

Finally, we finished up the night with our families, including Baby Madelyn, with a seven course dinner at Cafe Firenze in Moorpark from Chef Fabio. It was a real treat and the best way I could possibly think of to end what turned out to be just about the perfect 30th birthday weekend for me.

So anyway, it happened. I’m 30 now. I’m old. My 20s are officially over. It’s the end of my youth.

Thankfully, however, I have some truly incredible friends, an extremely awesome family, and an even more incredible and awesome wife and daughter. By sharing with them some great food, good laughs, and fun times during my 30th birthday celebrations, I came to a realization. I guess it took the whole weekend (or probably the whole year) for me to figure it out, but I know now that 30 is not the end of something, it’s the beginning of something. I think my “youth” was probably over longer ago than I’d like to admit, and while my 20s definitely had there fair share of wild times (“wild” is relative here folks…), my 30s will most certainly have their fair share of wildness too, albeit a wholly different kind of wild.

I’ve heard it said that “life begins at 30” and I guess that’s true. I have a beautiful and caring wife that I love, a perfect baby daughter…I now have the most wonderful family any 30-year-old could ever ask for. Forget my “youth” anyway! This is what life is all about. I think I like 30 after all.

I’ve been a dad for exactly two months now, and thanks to my amazingly talented writer of a wife, you know that so much has already happened. In just these two short months I’ve learned so much. Yes, I’ve learned a lot about babies and parenting and diapers and bottles, but I’ve learned a lot about myself too.

Becoming a dad fulfills a dream for me and so far it truly has been an amazing experience. Although we’ve had a bit of a tumultuous ride if you look at things from a certain angle, I think that having a child seriously makes you put things into perspective and view everything that happens in a bit of a different light. It’s funny — I’ve hardly stayed angry or felt negative about much of anything for more than a few minutes. One look at Madelyn’s face, even if she’s crying, makes me wonder what there really is to be upset about.

It all sounds cliche and perhaps a bit too rosy, but for me, so far, it’s true. What I’ve loved about being a dad so far are all the moments I get to observe and the family time I get to enjoy. Here are the things I’ve grown to love in my early tenure as a father…

Watching Alison Be A Mom
One of the things I was excited about throughout the whole pregnancy was the chance to see my wife become a mother. Watching the woman I love transform into the mother she has become has not disappointed. To see her in action truly inspires me. It’s really amazing to watch those mom instincts kick in as she tackles a diaper rash, picks out an outfit or rushes to feed the baby. When I walk in on her holding Madelyn, rocking or bouncing with her and singing songs to her…well, I pretty much just completely melt. If it’s possible to “fall in love with someone all over again,” I think I probably have fallen in love with Alison again about ten times in the past month alone. Plus, I don’t care what she says, she’s never been sexier to me than she is now. (Okay, maybe on our wedding night…)

Taking Care Of My Family
For the first few weeks of our parenthood, during Alison’s rough recovery and the tough nights taking care of both her and the baby, I sort of had to go on autopilot. I was doing so much during that time that when I look back at it, I am seriously not even sure how I was able to do it. I guess it was my own dad instincts that helped me get through it. (Well, that, and also some seriously super grandparents!) Anyway, I’m happy to have gone through that experience because it helped me become a calm and confident parent. Now that I’m back at work and Alison and I are both running at full capacity, it’s such an enjoyable experience…even when it gets crazy and insane. Alison and I have always made a great marriage team but now to share in parenting duties as a team, I can honestly say I’d put us up against any other parents any day of the week. 😉 It’s fun when we just get into that mode where we barely have to talk to each other but we are reading each other’s minds and we orchestrate a diaper change or a feeding together. I think we may be more efficient at getting out of the house with Madelyn now than we ever were at getting out of the house just the two of us. It is really some kind of awesome.

Photo by Sara Marie Photography

Coming Home From Work
After three weeks of being home just after the birth, I finally had to go back to work. I had originally planned for three weeks just because I was lucky enough to be able to take that much, but it turned out I really needed all of that time. I was not too happy about going back, but luckily we had fallen into something of a routine so I felt okay leaving Alison at home…it was just that I didn’t want to miss anything! So of course, there is nothing like walking in the door around 6pm to discover what state things are in. Sometimes Princeton runs to me to greet me and I come in to see a calm household with Alison quietly enjoying Madelyn. Other times Princeton runs to me for help as if to say, “Make the chaos stop please,” and I hear the screaming upstairs where I find Alison wrangling with a tough diaper change or some squirmy tummy time. Either way it’s a lovely surprise for me — I join the peace or help calm the crazy.

Taking Pictures
You already know I feel it’s my duty to document this kid’s life story. She changes so much every day and every moment is so fleeting it seems impossible to keep up. This commercial practically made me cry when I first saw it on television for exactly that reason. I just feel like I can never get quite the right picture like I want. I wish I could capture more moments and make every picture better. Still, I guess I’ve been doing a pretty good job so far.

Sharing Experiences
Getting to share all these new parenting and baby experiences with Alison is of course a huge thrill. But it’s even more fun to watch so many of our close friends go through the same experiences at almost exactly the same time. We have at least a dozen friends that are experiencing the first few months of either their first or second baby, and it’s so fun to “network” with them…people we’ve known for what seems like forever, and we are now all having kids. It’s so crazy.

Spending Time With Madelyn
It’s pretty neat how quickly you get to know your child. Within a few weeks we already figured out what Madelyn liked and what would help her sleep. (Of course, we had a little help from Dr. Karp.) Even when I’m annoyed at 4am when she starts to wimper as if to say “Okay guys, I’m hungry now,” or when I’m just about dressed with hands washed and sooooooo tired at 4:05am when she is wailing like “Why the *$&^*% aren’t you guys feeding me already?,” once I get in the room and pick her up, I just don’t really care what time it is anymore. Then there’re those evenings when I sit by her crib and soothe her to sleep…I feel so victorious when I get her to finally fall! So rewarding! And of course those mornings, right after feeding her, when I bring her in to hang out with the whole family and she coos and stares at the ceiling fan after Princeton tries to lick her and give her even more love than we do. I mean these are the moments. I love it.

Our daughter is now one week old, so it is high time that you meet her. Here are the vital stats from her birth:

Name: Madelyn Shana Friedman
Place: Los Robles Hospital in Thousand Oaks, California
Date: 8/9/2011
Time: 10:25pm
Weight: 7 lbs, 11 oz
Length: 20.5″

We could not be more grateful for the incredible support from our wonderful families as well as the tremendous outpour of love from all of our friends. It was an amazing experience to receive endless notifications on our iPhones while at the hospital, all leading to great well-wishes waiting for us on our Facebook walls.

I know Alison is itching to tell the “birth story” so watch out for that to be posted soon along with more pictures from our first few days as parents.